What's In A Name?

So, while we waited for Ben for four years, it took us about just as long to come up with a name.  We could not agree on anything.  Nothing.  Matt likes family names - I don't like naming babies after family members.  Matt like historic names - I think they're old-fashioned.  I mostly like girl names - Matt mostly had boy names picked out.  It was a nightmare.

So I decided to buy a baby name book last fall after we had officially listed our profile with the adoption agency.  My thinking was, "Matt and I have never come up with names we agree on.  We might not get a lot of head's up when Baby Lawson comes along so we need to at least narrow it down".  So we highlighted names in the book that we each liked and then looked at the overlap.  There wasn't much, but we had narrowed it down.  

The one thing we agreed on was middle names.  I compromised and said that we could do family middle names.  Matt's family for boy, my family for girl.  It seemed fair.  Unfortunately, Matt wanted to use his paternal grandpa's name - Archibald.  Heck no.  I was not going to allow my child's middle name to be Archibald.  So I bargained with Matt.  One day I suggested Archer.  I explained it still paid homage to Archibald without being so old-fashioned and dated.  He loved it.  I loved it.  Relief.

So fast forward to when Ben was born - we had a for sure middle name, but only had the first name narrowed down to two names.  We were 99% sure of what his full name was going to be, but we thought maybe we should see him first and make sure he looked like his name.  Whatever that means.  I brought the Baby Name book to the hospital, just in case, but when we saw him he was totally a Benjamin Archer.  And really, the name is da bomb.  That name could be President some day.  So many people have told us what a strong name it is and we completely agree.  It's not trendy, it's not weird or unique, but a solid, strong name.  

Now technically and legally he is not Benjamin Archer yet, but he is absolutely Benjamin Archer to us.  We cannot wait for the day the adoption is finalized and he belongs to us!

It should be noted that when I spoke with Ben's mom on the phone the day he was born, she shared with me what she had been calling him.  Immediately after sharing his name with me, she was very clear - she told me that this would be our child.  She wanted Matt and I to treat him as if I had given birth to him and name him what we would name a son that we had on our own.  I mean, really, she is just the most amazing person for being able to articulate that.  She picked a beautiful name for him and part of me wanted to incorporate his birth mom's name with the name we chose for him.  Our hesitation was 1) she said to name Ben as we would have named any other baby and 2) two middle names can be messy and a hassle down the road.  We decided it was best just to keep his birth mom's name a special name she gave him and have his legal name be what we chose for him.

The Day Baby Got His Name

We woke up the next morning at the hospital tired (obviously) - but we were excited to see what the day was going to hold.  We were told that he would either be discharged late that night or the next day.  Typically, babies aren't discharged until after birth mom is discharged because that is when she signs papers to relinquish parental rights.  So we anticipated doing a lot of snuggling with Baby Boy (still not named at this point - well, to us he was, but no one else knew) and waited to see the doctors and social workers later that day.

Hi, Dad!

Birth mom consented to Baby Boy being circumcised before leaving the hospital.  This was a huge blessing because legally we couldn't make her agree to it, but it would have been an enormous headache doing it after being discharged.  The pediatrician we were going to use does not do that procedure in the office so we would have had to find a urologist.  This was much simpler.  And it was just another example of Baby Boy's birth mom being such an amazing mom to him for the first nine months of his life.  She just did everything in his best interest and we couldn't love her more for that.  Baby Boy was taken away for about 30 minutes while they performed the procedure and then he was with us the rest of the afternoon.  The doctor later came in and said that Baby Boy was very healthy and doing great.  He had some minor concerns that he might have club foot, but that we could see an orthopedic doctor for a consultation, but chances are he was just smooshed in his birth mom's belly.  A few weeks after coming home we went to that appointment and ortho said his foot looked perfectly fine and there was no reason to be concerned.

Mom snuggles

A few hours later the hospital social worker came in to share some really good news - the doctor approved of Baby Boy being discharged that night since he was doing so well!  We were so excited that we would be able to take him home so quickly.  Our adoption case worker would meet us at the hospital later that afternoon to sign all the paperwork and we could bring the sweet boy home.  We were thrilled.  Meanwhile the hospital provided Matt and I a celebratory dinner like they do with all new parents.  We were so excited and surprised they included us in that!  It was so nice for them to see us as new parents even though we hadn't actually had the baby.

Steak dinner!

After we had dinner together, our adoption case worker came in and we went over so much paperwork.  Normally this is done ahead of time, but Baby Boy came fast and furious.  We caught the hospital notary just before she went home.  Once all the papers were signed we started packing up.  The hospital sent us home with lots of formula and diapers so we wouldn't have to stop anywhere on the way home which was really nice.

Now there was some apprehension of bringing the baby home before birth mom was discharged because she has until she is discharged to change her mind.  So technically we brought Baby Boy home before she relinquished her rights, but she gave every indication she was going to follow through and we had very little to be concerned about.  And, of course, our case worker called us the next day to let us know that, in fact, birth mom signed her rights away so that was one hurdle we didn't have to worry about.

In the car for his ride home!  This picture cracks us up because he looks nothing like this anymore.  We always joke we brought home a different baby because he looks nothing like his hospital pictures.

The drive home was spent calling and texting friends and family to let them know Baby Boy's name.  Benjamin Archer.  Matt drove us home and I sat in the back seat with Ben telling Matt to slow down, don't follow so close, etc.  It was pretty late by the time we got home so got settled as much as we could and started life as a family of three.

Baby Day, Part Two

Once we arrived at the hospital we decided to leave our overnight bags in the car and just take in our essentials.  We went to the welcome desk, they called up to the social worker and she met us down on the first floor.  As we took the elevator to the maternity floor, she told us procedures and protocols for staying on the maternity floor and how to get on and off if we needed to go anywhere.  Once we got upstairs, we received our name badges and bracelets and she walked us to the nursery to meet Baby Boy.  As soon as we walked over to his bassinet I immediately began sobbing.  He was just the cutest, sweetest thing wrapped up in his swaddle blanket, he had his hat on his head and he was just sleeping so soundly.  It was just so surreal that we were looking at our little guy after just learning about him not even 24 hours prior.

I mean, Come On!  That face!  Those lips!  

The social worker told me I could hold him and I asked Matt if he wanted to hold him first and he said that I needed to.  I started to pick him up and as soon as I did, the social worker remembered I needed to wash my hands first.  She was so excited she had gotten frazzled!  So I had to immediately set him down, wash my hands and then got to hold him again.  He was just so sweet and tiny.

Ben loved mealtime!

After a few minutes I set him back in the bassinet and we brought him to the room where we were staying.  The hospital called it "the bonding room".  It was a hospital room without the hospital beds and monitors.  It had a couch, chairs, futon and TV.  It gave us plenty of space to spread out and not feel claustrophobic and gave us some privacy.

Immediately, he stayed with us in our room and we began taking care of him - feeding him, diaper changes and cuddles.  They came in every so often just to check his vitals and see how we were doing, but otherwise, we were his parents.

Cuddle time!

That evening was spent feeding and changing him about every four hours or so.  We were able to Skype with most of the family so they could see him because at this point we were unable to send photos since birth mom hadn't terminated her rights yet.  After we got all our phone calls, texts and Skype calls in we got ready for our first night with Ben.  All in all he went super easy on us - slept and ate, slept and ate.  He went four hour stretches sleeping and would fill his belly, get a diaper change and fall back asleep.  It was a very good day.

Baby Day, Part One

The morning of June 30th, I "woke up" around 6 a.m.  I didn't really sleep that night so I'm not sure I really had to wake up, but either way, I got out of bed around 6 a.m.  Matt had an early flight that morning so that he could land in Pensacola at 11 a.m.  Shortly after getting up, letting the dogs out and taking a shower, our neighbor texted and asked how I was feeling, if I needed anything, suggestions of the essentials to buy on my shopping trip later that day.  Her and her husband were in the same situation as Matt and I about 3 years prior.  They found out about their son the day before he got them so she knew exactly what we'd need and what could wait.  The plan was for Matt to land, meet me at the Target in Pensacola and we'd do our baby shopping together and enjoy our last day as a family of two.  Ha, ha...

At around 9 a.m. that morning I received a phone call from our social worker informing me that Baby Boy was safely delivered the night before at 9:29 p.m.  He weighed 6 lbs, 15 oz., 18.5 inches long and was very healthy.  Both Mom and Baby Boy were doing well that morning.  She told me that there was a change in plans if Matt and I were willing.  Nancy, our social worker, was still unable to come to the hospital until the following day, but the hospital social worker, Sandy, was going to set a room up for us so that we could go to the hospital later that day, meet Baby Boy, and stay with him in our room until he was discharged from the hospital.  Holy cow, yes!  Yes, we would love to see him later that day and yes, we would love to be able to room with him until discharge.  Matt had a very big surprise when he got off the phone.  I sent him a text to tell him to come home instead of meeting and Target and if he called I would explain.  He was completely on board, but in all honesty, I think he became nervous-excited.  It was happening so quickly!

In the meantime, I spoke with the hospital social worker and got everything set up for our stay at the hospital.  I also met our social worker from our previous adoption agency to get our portfolio from her so that our new social worker could give it to the birth mom so that she'd have it if she chose to look at it.  I packed our overnight bags for our hospital stay, dropped off our dogs for boarding and waited for Matt to get home to head to the hospital.

When Matt got home, our eyes were as big as our heads!  We couldn't believe what was happening because we had waited so long and yet - everything was happening so fast!  We left the house, grabbed drive-thru lunch and drove to Target.  We picked up the essentials - diapers, wipes, a car seat, a few onesies and sleepers and an outfit to bring home Baby Boy.  I refer to him as Baby Boy because at this point in the process Matt and I had a name picked out, but we weren't telling anyone.  There was a couple reasons for this:  1) It was the one thing Matt and I in the whole process - we didn't get to do a pregnancy announcement, we didn't have a gender reveal.  The name was the one big thing we got to share in all of this.  2) Birth mom still had the opportunity to back out.  We didn't want to tell everyone the name, start referring to his as this person only to have birth mom change her mind.  We wanted to be sure that he was ours before naming him.

After we left Target, we drove to the pregnancy resource center that I volunteer at.  The director there said she'd install our car seat for us so that we knew it was put in correctly.  They were also so sweet and put together the nicest diaper bag (one less thing I had to get!) and we just love that diaper bag.  The drive to the hospital was about an hour to an hour and a half drive.  It was so bizarre to think we were driving to go see our son - we tried to act normal, but the entire drive we talked about what he looked like, what we were going to do, what we needed to get later that week, etc.  It was the longest and fastest car ride I've ever taken.  But once we got to the hospital, we got to see Baby Boy right way...

Baby Eve

On the morning of Monday, June 29th, Matt flew out to Orlando for a surprise branch visit to one of his branches in the area.  Normally, I take him to the airport so that I can run errands in town, but that particular flight was earlier than normal so I opted to sleep in and Matt drove himself to the airport. Thank goodness...

9:00 a.m.
I woke up that morning to a text from my neighbor:

Amy: Hey, I'm at swim lessons with Seth (her son - who also happens to be adopted) and there's another Mom who works with a local adoption agency and they have a birth mom due in three weeks that hasn't been matched with a family.  Are you interested?

Me: Yes, probably!  Does she have anymore information?  Can you give me her contact information and I'll give the case worker a call to find out more.

10:45 a.m.
Meanwhile, Matt was on a plane so I needed to wait until he landed for his lay over to see what he thought.  This mom was working with a different adoption agency that we had been working with and I wanted to make sure Matt was on board with the information I had been given about birth mom and baby.  We both decided that it was worth finding out more information about so we agreed it would be okay to call the case worker and inquire about more information and what it would look like to switch adoption agencies.

1:00 p.m.
I speak with the case worker and she confirms all the information about mom and baby that had been given to me.  She informs me that she will be visiting with birth mom in two days.  We decide that she should take our adoption portfolio to birth mom so that she can see a glimpse of our family and decide if we would be a family she'd consider for placement.  Case worker and I agree that I'd drop off the book the morning of the visit and that we'd go from there.  I update Matt of the plan and we are cautiously optimistic.

4:00 p.m.
Case worker calls and informs me that she has just gotten off the phone with birth mom (she was calling to confirm visit and also tell her about Matt and I) and that mom has been hospitalized due to high blood pressure.  Doctors were telling her not to eat so it was assume she might be delivering baby later that evening or following day via c-section if her blood pressure doesn't stabilize.  Case worker asks if I'd be willing to call birth mom later that evening to introduce myself and for the two of us to get to know each other a little better.  I tell her I'd be happy to do so.  I immediately get off the phone and tell Matt of the new plan.  I strongly encouraged him to get a flight home ASAP because it was very possible that a baby would be coming later that evening and he needed to be home for this.  We also came up with a list of questions we would like to ask the birth mom since this might be our only interaction with her.  Admittedly, this post makes the whole day sound very matter-of-fact and like a business transaction.  It was anything but that.  At this point we had been waiting years for a little baby and after awhile you still hold onto hope, but you don't allow yourself to get excited about anything.  However, when I was asked to talk to Ben's birth mom, it was kinda the tipping point for me.  I needed Matt home right at that moment because I felt an enormous amount of pressure and responsibility to articulate how we feel about her (utter, utter love, amazement and appreciation) while at the same time present ourselves honestly and hopefully in a way that she would want us to parent her child.  It had been such a whirlwind day and the gravity of what could come of this conversation overwhelming.  I made Matt pray for us before we got off the phone and I told him I'd call him once I had talked to birth mom.

6:00 p.m.
I organized my notes and set up an area in the office so that I have everything in front of me that I might need.  I wanted to eliminate any distractions so I put the dogs in the bedroom so that they wouldn't bark, whine, etc. and I could focus on the phone call.  I plugged my phone into its charger and called birth mom right at 6:00 p.m. She answered right away and we began talking.  It's so bizarre, but it was such an easy conversation.  It was truly like talking to someone I had known my whole life and we were just catching up with each other.  I began by telling her about Matt and I and how we came to the decision of wanting to adopt.  I told her about what life looked like for us, our families, what our plans were for children.  During this time she asked questions, I asked her questions and it was just a very free-flowing, easy conversation.  There were no awkward pauses.  No judgement.  Just two people working towards the same goal - to provide this baby with a future and family.  We spoke for about forty-five minutes and when I got off the phone with her, I knew with every ounce of my being that this was our birth mom and she would be having our baby.  I called Matt and told him that speaking with her confirmed it for me - we were getting this baby.  We talked about what the two of us had spoken about and Matt agree - we were on board.

7:00 p.m.
I left a voicemail for case worker telling her that I had spoken to birth mom and if she liked us we would want to move forward with this match.  I asked her to call us back to let me know what the next steps were.

7:00 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.
During this time we decided to let our families know that there was a good chance a baby would be coming our way in the next few days.  My family happened to all be together at my aunt and uncle's house because my cousin was in town so I had my brother put me on speaker phone and we were able to tell everyone at the same time.  It became so loud... no one could believe it!  When we told Matt's parents we were over Skype and they were just as shocked.  We told everyone we'd keep them posted as we heard news, but as far as we knew at that point Baby Boy would be born that night or the following day and we'd still go to the hospital on Wednesday as planned.

9:30 p.m.
Case worker calls and said that she spoke to birth mom about thirty minutes prior and she wanted us to be Baby Boy's adoptive parents.  She also informed me that she was having a c-section done that night and should be happening as we spoke (later I found out that was exactly true - he was born at 9:29 p.m.).  Birth mom originally wanted me there for the birth, but since it was an emergency c-section I was unable to make it to the hospital in time since it was an hour and a half drive.  Case worker said that since she was unable to go to the hospital the next time we would still plan on meeting her at the hospital on Wednesday to meet Baby Boy.

Matt and I stay on the phone for awhile, but I immediately move into full-on nesting mode.  I had 9 months of nesting to fit into 48 hours (or so I thought) and got busy doing laundry, vacuuming, and straightening up the kitchen.  I considered going to Wal-Mart that night to get things, but I decided to get the house clean and organized first and get some sleep and would run all my errands the next time.  Yeah, like I was going to sleep a wink that night...